Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
