two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
