Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
