allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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