ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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