we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
