I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
