Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
