I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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