I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
