ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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