if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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