Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
