On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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