I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
