You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
