Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
