R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
