Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
