He uses pillows to masturbate.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
