feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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