Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
