I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
