Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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