Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
