i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize