Your mouth is God's brothel.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
