dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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