Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
