If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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