Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize