One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
