I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
