i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
