Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
