Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
