I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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