you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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