well I can't set my house on fire every night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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