I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
