You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
