We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize