Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
