I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
