I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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