dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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