He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
