paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
