One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
