I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
