He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
