I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
