I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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