It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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