The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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