Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize