Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
