There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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