if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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