Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize