i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
