I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
