Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
