My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
