My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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