i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
