This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
