Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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