I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
