So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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