I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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