lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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