then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
