hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
