Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
