it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
