Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Randomize
