Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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