i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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