This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
