so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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