True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I died a long time ago.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
