My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
