My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
