my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
