I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize