Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i need some magic done to my vagina
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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