i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
