ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
