it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize