we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
