I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
