bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
