On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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