I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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