I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
