eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
