woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
