Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
