I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
