JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Mom said you looked used
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
