Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
