I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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