She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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