Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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