do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
