If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
