just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
