Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
