Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
