Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's blow job season.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
