Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
