I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
